I miss you

I miss you. I am writing this while sitting in my car working on schoolwork and studying for the degree that you were so proud I was going for…I shouldn’t be here, though. I am only here in this location because your baby brother is attending group therapy. The therapy he shouldn’t need. Because you should still be here. He lost you almost a year ago. Then, he lost his dad a month ago. That is too much for any kid. Let alone one like him.

It is so nice outside. This is the time of year when everyone has their windows and doors open. This time last year, you were always out riding with friends if you weren’t working. It wasn’t hot. It wasn’t cold. It was perfect riding weather. This time last year, I had no idea I would be losing you in a little over a month. I had no idea that I was so close to seeing you for the last time.

I am sitting here with the windows down in my car since it is so nice. Just listening as I work. Birds. The wind in the trees. Cars on the road nearby. So many bikes out. I can tell the sound of a bike over other motors. My ears pick it out so easily now. I miss the days of hearing yours coming down the street and knowing you were home. I want that back instead of having a broken piece of it on my wall. I miss the joy in your voice when you told me of the new skill you’d learned while riding or the silly thing you and your friends had done that day. I want that instead of only memories and photos.

Instead, I am here listening to the sound of every bike that passes, wishing it were you.

Because I miss you.