I hope he knew

Why was *my* birthday without him just as hard as his without him? Even though the damn kid couldn’t ever remember my birthday anyway.

“Bryce. It isn’t hard. When is Christmas?”

“December 25.”

“Okay. Now exactly 6 months later is my birthday. June 25.”

(while laughing) “Yeah. I just always forget.”

Every damn year. To be honest, I’m surprised he remembered his own birthday. He wasn’t much for dates. He remembered Rory’s birthday. And their anniversary. He was able to remember the general timeframe of his parent’s birthdays. Same for his siblings. Otherwise…nope. Rory reminded him of my birthday last year.

I wasn’t offended. I never cared much. Just like I didn’t put much stock in not getting Christmas gifts. I have always enjoyed watching my boys open the gifts I gave them for Christmas or birthdays.

I just had my birthday over the weekend. I never do much for my birthday. This year, we went out to dinner. Then came back here for cake and a movie. Just me, the gf, and Rory this year. Calm but yet perfect. I am not sure I could have handled much more. All of these firsts are horrible. But dinner was fun. Silly. Laughter. I got a card that made me smile and laugh from the gf and a small gift. Plus she insisted on paying for dinner. Rory brought me flowers sprinkled with purple, chocolate, and a beautiful card.

After dinner, we moved the car the short distance to the memorial so we could visit and replace a few solar lights that the local homeless had removed. They do that sometimes.

After we finished at the memorial, we went back to the car to leave. It wouldn’t start. All 3 of us tried. It is a European car with an unusual key so maybe we were doing something weird and just weren’t doing it right? Nope. Even the owner of the car couldn’t get it to start. Did it need a jump? Nope. All of the power was working. Nothing made sense.

Maybe 10-15 minutes later and with the 3 of us baffled…we try again…and it starts. No issue. Just starts like nothing was wrong.

Random coincidence? Bryce telling us that he was there? Or maybe Bryce stopping us from leaving right at that moment for some reason? I don’t know. But we all felt him with us. So maybe there would have been an accident if we had left when we’d tried to go? Who knows.

He is always on my mind…even when he isn’t “haunting” me. For 6 months now, every time I think I have cried all of the tears I possibly could cry, more fall. I would be okay with him forgetting every date, every birthday, every holiday if he were back here with me. Even just for one more hug. Just to make sure he truly knew how much I loved him. I am sure he knew. He must have known, right?