Another step toward finality. That bitch.

I was asleep. And now I’m not. So I guess it will be a sleeping pill kind of night the second I hit post on this.

I have noticed over the past few months that it can sometimes be the most random things that will trigger my grief. I am okay-ish tonight but I still found my mind wandering due to some very random things.

Today I finally put some items in the mail that I had been procrastinating mailing but I don’t know why I hadn’t done it.

I did Bryce’s 2022 taxes in mid-February. I have had the paperwork sitting here read to mail because it has to be actually mailed with an extra form stating that I am authorized to file on his behalf. The envelopes have just been sitting here just waiting for the trip to the post office. I also had 3 letters ready to go for each of the 3 credit bureaus so they can put a block on his social so it can’t be used to obtain credit through fraud.

What is it about mailing those items today that hit me? I’m not NOT okay but what was it about dropping them in the mailbox at the post office that added to the finality? I don’t always understand why some of those random things add to the feeling of things being so final. The feeling that he truly is gone. It’s not like I don’t know that. It’s not like I have some delusion about him coming back.

So why does filing his taxes for him and sending those letters feel like another shove toward finality?