Don’t abandon those dealing with grief

I think I’ve talked about this before. Maybe? I’m honestly not sure. My life has been a complete blur for the past 3+ months. Grief, mental health that seems to be bouncing up and down, working full time, full-time grad school, single parenting a 12-year-old, keeping a house in order, etc…and all on little sleep thanks to said grief…

Why is grief such a taboo topic? I do know it’s difficult to know what to say or do when someone you know or love loses someone THEY love. You don’t need the answers. Honestly, you don’t need to say anything.

You can send a text that you know we may or may not respond to with a basic message.

Something like “Thinking about you” or “Love you” or even just a heart emoji. That lets us know that we’re on your mind and that you care. It doesn’t have to be much. Honestly, we might not have the emotional ability to have a long conversation anyway. Doesn’t have to be anything time-consuming. And when family can’t even do that? It leaves you feeling like you don’t matter. Even with an apology. When the apology is followed by a “but” and excuses of being busy with XYZ issues. You’re so busy that you can’t even send a 2-second text? Or maybe another family member comparing their issues to your child who is now quite literally ashes in a fucking box and then has the nerve to say that YOU have the “audacity” to be upset? Not to mention accusations of things that didn’t even happen?

I can’t fathom acting in such a way if my loved one was going through this. Why is discussing grief so difficult for people? Why is surrounding those dealing with grief so difficult for people? Some of us can’t tolerate too much socializing during our grief process (cough*me*cough) but that doesn’t mean we don’t want to know that those who should love and support us care about us.

Please do not read this and think it means you need to justify why you don’t message more. I don’t want to upset those of you who DO reach out or even just acknowledge my pain.

For those I was speaking of in this post…if you keep reading these…to the overly dramatic one…I don’t want to hear from you. Your bizarre need to compare our issues was absolutely disgusting and the rest of what you said was either a flat out lie you told or someone lied to you. For the one apologizing…apologies are empty without action. “I’ve been busy” is a lame excuse. And I don’t regret a thing I said about the other person. You should be more upset about how that one treated me than you are about my being pissed about it. Her actions…or lack thereof…are of a person who obviously doesn’t give a shit about me or my kids. So I don’t ever want to hear from her again. She’s burned too many bridges with me over the years and this was the last one.

Just a lesson for everyone. Don’t abandon those dealing with grief. We are already struggling with loss. We are already struggling with seeing the world continue like nothing has changed when our world has changed so sharply. We are already struggling with being forced to continue on in a world without the one we are missing. We are already struggling with being forced to find a way to live past the grief. Feeling abandoned by those who should be there for us is not something that should be added to the list.