Crazy ass kid

I’ve written in other posts about how I don’t have a traditional faith. I don’t believe in God. I don’t believe in heaven as it exists in the Christian faith. I don’t believe in hell as it exists to them.

However, I don’t know what happens after we die. Do we just stop? Does our consciousness exist somewhere once we die? As I have said before, I don’t know the answer to that question and I don’t feel that any of us know the answer. I want to believe that I will see my son again. I want to believe that when my time comes, he will be there waiting for me. Maybe waiting for me with my mom by his side. I would love that so much.

I will admit that losing my son has changed my views slightly. It hasn’t changed my views on a god or a stereotypical afterlife but it’s made me think more about what happens to us.

We have all seen so many signs of him. Purple in random locations. A single purple flower outside of one of his favorite restaurants. One of his friends being randomly handed purple flowers by a coworker. His girlfriend leaving a gathering with a bunch of Bryce’s friends and seeing a single streetlight shining purple light…not purple tinged…actually purple. So many things.

And then there are the items falling.

At his dad’s house, there is a family assignment board where each family member has a heart with their name and it hangs on their assignment for that night. One morning, Bryce’s stepmom was up early before anyone else and noticed that Bryce’s heart was on the floor…face up…far from the wall where the board was hanging. Had it just fallen, it would have been right by the wall where it was hanging as opposed to how far she found it. Plus how would it randomly fall? It was inside so there was no wind. No one was awake. There was no way to knock it off. I’ve seen it in person. You can’t knock it off as you pass, let alone knock it that far away.

And I’m not done yet. Carter has a shelf in his room with a teddy bear made from one of Bryce’s shirts (that I just found out actually belonged to his best friend but he always wore it because it was too big for his friend…sorry, Jeremy) and a pair of sunglasses that belonged to Bryce. He came home from school the other day and the sunglasses were on the floor. The bear was still on the shelf but the glasses were on the floor. Slamming the door wouldn’t knock them down. They weren’t precariously sitting there. They weren’t angled. But yet…they were on the floor.

Don’t forget the night that my weird ass cat wouldn’t stop staring at my doorway. The lights were all off in the house other than my tv. She just stared. Didn’t break eye contact from the doorway. When I sat up to look that way, it blocked her view and she moved around me and kept staring.

Oh, you thought I was done now? Nope. At big sister’s house, the shadow box she is working on now keeps falling over. It has done it multiple times. It is too heavy to just randomly tip over. Her kiddo isn’t touching it because that kid looked up to her Uncle Bryce so much so she doesn’t touch any of the “Bryce stuff” that her mom is putting together. But yet…it keeps falling over. And falling over where it shows the purple backing she is using.

Are these all just random occurrences? Is this just a bunch of coincidences?

OR is this my son? His spirit? His energy? What some people would think of as a soul? Whatever you want to call it. But all of these things we’re seeing…are they him saying “I am here with you”?

I don’t know. But I’d love to think so.