This can’t be real life.

Written on January 13, 2023:

It’s been a rough day.

Week.

3 weeks.

Today marks 3 weeks since we lost Bryce. 3 weeks without my baby here with me.

I’ve put together a memory box for him full of things that I don’t ever want to lose. A baby quilt. The outfit and blanket he used coming home from the hospital. His baby book. Boy Scout badges. His high school graduation cap and gown. Childhood school work showing his adorable little hands that later grew into monster sized ones.

With those cute things come “souvenirs” from my first child’s memorial service. Something a parent should never have to say. A shirt, bracelet, and sticker from his memorial ride. The red velvet pouch that contained a small portion of his ashes that I scattered at the lake during that ride. More things a mother should never have to do.

Today, I needed Rory with me. She went with me to get my tattoo done. We did lunch at a place that her and Bryce would often go. And she helped me make the memorial spot at his accident site look beautiful for him. And while we were there, we had an amazing sunset to see as I sat there and cried about how the fuck this could POSSIBLY be real life.

After what was already a difficult day, the very next day, a friend of Bryce’s drove past the accident site and noticed that his memorial wasn’t there. We checked it out and the memorial that Rory and I had lovingly cleaned and refreshed just the night before was gone. We checked with the property management and they didn’t do it. It was overnight on a Friday night so it wouldn’t have been the city and they don’t have an ordinance anyway but we still checked and it wasn’t them. And it wasn’t just vandalized that led to the thought of it being dumbass teenagers. It was literally just gone. Taken. Nothing left but a pile of rocks with spilled candle wax.

Needless to say, I was seeing red. We waited a few days to let things calm since we didn’t know who removed it (or why) and to give us the time to make the calls to clear with the management for the businesses and the city to have it there. But you bet your ass that my baby has his memorial back. They don’t know me. I will put it back up every week if necessary.

Don’t fuck with my kid.