Let’s get you caught up…

Let’s get you caught up to speed.

The obvious way to do that is to first tell you what happened. The absolute worst day of my 41 years. I’ve been hurt in my life. Physically. Emotionally. Name it. But this.

Not this.

I never in my life could have ever imagined this. Ever. This is the shit that happens to other people, and when it does, you think about how horrible it is and how bad you feel about the situation. How terrible it must be for them. How much pain they must be in. It is just so completely unfathomable. It’s like when you imagine yourself being struck by lightning. You just KNOW it will never happen. It’s silly to even think about it.

But I was struck my lightning. Not literally, of course. But the unimaginable happened.

December 23, 2022

I will never forget that date. I had just gotten off of work, brought home dinner for myself and my 12 year old, and got cleaned up and was relaxing. As I was drifting off, I got a call from my ex-husband. Weird. It’s damn 10:20pm so why the hell are you calling me?

“Have you heard from Bryce?”

My heart dropped.

Friends of his got an alert on their shared Life360 app that he’d gone down on his motorcycle and his gps wasn’t moving. They didn’t have my number so they went to his social media and looked for anyone with the same last name to TRY to reach family.

“How fast can you get there?”

I don’t know if I have ever moved so fast.

Standing at a scene an entire block away yelling “It’s my kid on the bike!” because they were looking at me like I had 3 heads when I busted through their flares and cones diverting traffic. On speakerphone with his dad and stepmom. Watching one officer go talk to another after telling me to wait there. Then go to another. Then another. Then come back to me. They are taking way too long. Something is wrong. This isn’t good.

And 2 more officers pulled up behind us.

“This officer is going to talk to you.”

“Ma’am. I was the first officer on the scene. Your son has been in an accident.”

I remember him using the words deceased with caring and apologetic eyes. I remember that there was a police car right behind me, and I am glad. Because I know I fell against it before sliding to the ground. I remember hearing my ex-husband, my son’s father, scream. His wife start crying loudly. She thinks she remembers me screaming. I don’t remember.

I just remember my world shattering.

Not being able to breathe.

The pain.

The immense pressure on my chest as if my heart was being crushed by a fucking boulder.